So....We're having another kid, and it's a boy! 

Today we hit the 20 week mark.  Looking back the weeks went by quick, but there were days that I wondered if we would ever get to this point.  We decided that we could start trying for another kid in December, after I had switched insurance.  Well, we really didn't try until January, and lo and behold if that little positive sign didn't pop up on February 8th.  Yep, we're that good.  They don't call Robbie a Player for nothing!  Are you done barfing yet?  I was still pretty shocked, and the moment I saw it, I immediately thought, holy crap, did we make a mistake?  I think I had been all sucked in to the idea of having another kid and being excited because I knew our friends were trying to have a baby too.  Then reality struck me like a ton of bricks.  SHIT, 2 kids in 9 months!!  Ahhhhhh!  Don't get me wrong, I knew that I never wanted Margot to be an only child but maybe I wasn't 100% ready for another kid like I thought I was.  

The second pregnancy has definitely been different than the first.  The weeks have passed, and they've been an emotional roller coaster.  Unlike my pregnancy with Margot, all of my focus isn't on the little sea monkey growing inside of me now, and I feel guilty about that.  I feel detached from him, and that makes me sad.  Then there's my guilt about taking time away from Margot once he gets here. She's used to having me to herself all day long, and the world basically revolves around her.  I know I can't compare her to Cooper, our dog, but I know how much attention was taken away from him when Margot arrived, so that's how I feel about Margot.  In the long run, I think it's going to be great for her to have a sibling, and I think she's really going to enjoy it, I know I do.  It's just the first few months that I worry about.

Then there was the news it was going to be a boy.  All along I've had the feeling it was going to be a boy, so that's what I was expecting, but I was still a little let down when I heard the ultrasound tech confirm it.  Well, she didn't have to really say anything, that boy was showing his "goods" for everyone to see!  I'm so used to having a Margot, and she's so cute, and so fun, it's hard to think of having a rough and tumble little boy running around.  Plus, on a very materialistic note, boys clothes just aren't as cute!  I'm getting used to the idea, and I know come teenage years, I'm going to be glad that I don't have two hormonal teenage girls running around, but if I'm being honest, I don't know if a boy would have been my first choice.

I'm really trying to think of things in a more positive light.  I know that Margot is going to be the best big sister a brother could ever want.  She's going to teach him how to jump, how to pick up ladybugs, how to pull weeds out of the yard (yes, she loves this), how to sign all of the words she knows, how to knock down the blocks that she stacks up and to yell "CRASH", she'll read her books to him, and maybe even share her crayons, and if he's really lucky, she'll probably teach him how to drive me crazy!  He's going to be one lucky little boy. 

I know I should feel blessed that we were so lucky to conceive quickly and that this little guy is healthy and thriving. Honestly, I'm just scared.  Some people might not get it and think that I'm taking having a child for granted, but they've got it all wrong.  I think it's my overwhelming love for Margot that has me feeling this way.